Being Ourselves

Today I had the most wonderful conversation with the owner of our local convenience store.

Unusually I was in there on my own.  He knows me and the children well.  They are allowed to go to this shop together by themselves while I wait on the corner (because you can see the shop from there) and we often go together, but very rarely am I on my own.

This morning he asked "how is your daughter getting on at school?"  So we had a little chat about the fact she loves it, that it was her choice to go back into school and he was very positive about it.

Then he asked about my son. As usual, I immediately felt back-footed and defensive, as though I had to justify his desire to say Home Educated and my reasons for supporting it.

In fact the conversation went in an entirely different direction.  He said he had not realized my son had any special needs until he told him himself that he is autistic.  He said they had chatted about it a few weeks ago.  I was overwhelmed with pride to hear that.

He told me they have a boy in their extended family back in India with the same diagnosis, although he said "more obviously so" (which made me suck my teeth a bit!) but I got what he meant.  He went on to say something that quite blew me away.  He paused and smiled and said "you let him be what he is.  You do right.  Just keep at that. Let him be whatever he is.  He'll be ok, in life, because he is as he is meant to be, just let him be it."

I couldn't speak.

He then said "this is what we were told in India.  Let the boy be.  Let him exist in his ways.  Don't listen to these ideas, these tries to change him and make him to be what he's not, in a way he is not.  His ways are not wrong.  He's ok in his ways as he is and it is only by being in those ways he will find who he is and learn to deal with the world as it is to him."

I just wanted to hug him.

He smiled at me and nodded again "just keep him in his ways. He'll be fine."

It was such a special conversation to have.  One of those conversations that was meant to be.

And you know it's been a hard few weeks for DS.  Watching his sister go back to school, feeling she is growing away from him, losing his companion and seeing her do things he knows it would not be good for him to do, and environment it would be harmful for him to be in.  And I'm unutterably proud that he has come to these decisions and realisations by himself.  I support him in them and I will support him if they change. 

And this man, this outside observer of our lives, who has watched my children grow over the years, hit the nail right on the head "Let him be in his ways".  I can't think of a more beautiful or eloquent way to sum it up, and to sum up all the wrong and harm society can do by trying to stop a beautiful stream from flowing melodically along it's course. 

So we will keep doing just this. Being ourselves.  Although it is taking us on different paths at the moment, we are all still headed in the right direction, just keeping in our own ways. And long may that continue x