Life is trundling on. I'll admit September & October were not the easiest to get through. Change of routine, a birthday, transitions and bad weather left tempers high and spirits low and it was largely a case of simply getting through the days. We seem to have ridden through that and are now looking forward to Christmas and all the fun stuff we have planned until then.
Home Ed wise we are more unstructured than ever! Sometimes I worry that I am not 'doing enough'. The devil on my shoulder is constantly whispering that DS should be doing more formal learning, and would DD achieve even more if I pushed her? I already know the answers, I saw it with my own eyes when they were in school. What we do is right for them. They will, hopefully, not have to unpick a life of damaged self esteem, bad decisions and poor mental health because they were pushed into holes they didn't fit in. I have to remind myself constantly that this, above all else, is our goal. Anything else can be learned as we go, when needed. Quality of life and their mental health is by far the most important thing to me.
But, as I have shared before, we are judged. Constantly. On our choice of lifestyle. Undoubtedly by those who are unhappy with theirs. The ' What's she got to be so happy about?' crowd....
Well, do you know what, no more than you to be honest. But I choose all the clichés, to see the glass half full, to look at the stars. Because I tried it the other way. The comparisons, the judging and criticizing others, the discontent. The carrying everyone else and never even knowing or acknowledging my own needs. All of it. And it was miserable. Dreadful. And slowly but surely it was killing me - metaphorically and in a very actual real way. My health suffered, I was always ill. There is only so much negativity you can absorb, only so long you can stay in the shadows before it starts to take it's toll.
I've also shared before that I completely lost my sense of self. It was a big part of why I added my name, my actual real life name, recently on Twitter. Because although I am fiercely protective of my children & their privacy - we discuss everything I share & I hope we are careful always - it was important for me to step out of the shadows and own who I am. Be a person again. Not just Mama. (Not that there is any such thing as 'just' Mama).
I shared this quote this morning -
Thanks for reading x