Why I Love Our Alternative Life

I love the life we have chosen to live.  I am so thankful that I have been able to remove my children from full time education and educate them myself at home.  We have had so many wonderful opportunities, made some amazing friends, but most of all I have watched my children blossom and thrive.

I wish I could show you pictures of them when they were at school.  Even taking aside the apocalyptic meltdowns at the end of the day, the 2-3 hours to get them ready & coaxed out of the house in the mornings, the wakeful, anxious, interupted nights........ even if we put just that little lot to one side, if you looked at photos of my children from that time you would literally see the stress etched onto their little faces.

It's heartbreaking to look back on. I get frequent guilt that I didn't act sooner.  Don't get me wrong, I worked so closely with an amazing team of nursery staff who were truly on board & brilliant with each and every child in their care.  And I was up and down to that bl##dy school (sorry, that is literally The nicest thing I can say about it) like a yo-yo! I had meetings with teachers, SENCOs (though I resent calling the useless, unqualified twits that!) deputies and multiple Heads (5 Heads in the 3 years my daughter was there). I helped with reading & other literacy exercises in the classrooms, sewing, swimming, did my best with the PTA - school fairs etc. I even served as a Parent Govenor.  I tried.

But what I wish I'd known, or believed, was that there was another way. A close friend urged me repeatedly to take them out of school, she could see the damage being done, and I'm so glad I finally made the leap.

Close friends and family thought I was mad (they may have been right) - they worried how I'd cope, and frequently told me as such.  One (former) friend even took me out for an 'intervention'! I kid you not. And proceeded to tell me 'what She thought was in my daughter's best interests'!!  Just my daughter mind you, my clever, 'high functioning', on the gifted and talented register for every subject, daughter.  When I reminded said former friend that I was also taking my son out of school she actually waved her hand dismissively and said - oh well, I get that, I mean what's the point of having Him in school?

And I took a deep breath, straightened my shoulders, dismissed her rightfully from our lives, and cracked on.

Coming up for 2 years later the difference is sooooo apparent.  My kids are HAPPY.  We are super close.  Of course we argue, boy do we argue, but we talk things through and my kids are wonderful kids.  I'm proud of their maturity. I'm proud of their kindness. I'm proud of their individuality.  They hold their heads up high, look the world in the face (sometimes, cos y'know... Autism) and live their lives unashamedly.  They fidget, they twiddle, they stim - loudly and gloriously at times.  They are respectful and considerate.  They speak up for themselves (less so with DD but it's coming).  They express themselves very well when it comes to talking about feelings and de-processing situations.  They wear what they want and like what they like and barely anyone judges them. On the rare occasions someone does, they mostly shrug it off or we talk it through.

Our Home Ed days have become less and less structured - although DD does love a workbook and spellings! She has an art tutor, we horse ride, she does gymnastics, auditioned & joined a theatre group this year! And that's really only the tip of the iceberg. She's had poetry published in an anthology, done her Arts Award, learnt about programming, read a billion-ty books (yes that's definitely a real word) - taught herself French & German, done monthly presentations on a variety of countries around the world, written books and made clothes for her dolls and herself.

DS is so much happier and calmer.  On the days it's too much, it's too much - and that's okay. We just pause for a while and let the processing catch up. We give his brain the space it needs to cope with the overwhelming amount of information throwing itself at him relentlessly.  Consequently, he can now read - quite well.  It's taken time, and is probably below age expectation but I can tell you it's waaay above what he was achieving at school and, more importantly, he's not stressed, embarrassed or ashamed about it. He will pick up a book, read something outloud without fear - as none of his friends judge or mock his ability (unlike at school).  He also writes, same reason. At our Learning Group on Monday (a Home Ed co-op with other families) he had a go at writing bat poems with his friends. Total mix of abilities, SEN and ages (2 -10 years old) and all comfortable in their own abilities and self worth.

To me this is more valuable and precious than any government levied measuring tool.  I am teaching my kids to be functioning, enabled adults - to pursue their own intetests, be decent people, consider the environment, the world in which we live and those around us.  That they don't need to be competitive - they can be motivated just by themselves , for themselves.

On top of this they have life skills. They understand money and the value of it, how to budget and plan. They know about bill paying and how to manage finances. Can do a weekly shop online for the family. Care for their own pets, tidy and hoover their own rooms. Help in the garden, properly. Lay the table, load the dishwasher, follow a recipe, cook a meal, put the washing on.

And they play - self directedly - for hours and days, inside and out, with friends or on their own.  They also learn, at their own pace, whatever interests them, all the time. We don't stop for weekends or because it's 'after school' - our lives and learning have a more natural flow.  We don't have to end a topic by week 3, there are no time limits on our interests. And they literally never, and I do mean never, tell me they're bored. Ever.

So I am glad we made the leap. That I took their hands and we jumped bravely together in to this new life. We really are having the most wonderful time.

Oh, and did I mention they're both Autistic? 😊💖

Facing Fears & Reaching for the Stars

So, back in January my girl saw an advert for auditions for a variety show with a youth group at the library (her favourite place 😊)

She copied down all the information and asked me if she could apply. I'll admit my heart sank. I was worried for her - thinking she would be up against lots of lovies in a very competitive environment and all I could see was disappointment and I wanted to protect her. I saw her Aspergers before I saw her and my mind swelled with anxiety.

But we talked it through and I knew I had to let my girl spread her wings, and be there to catch her if she fell.

So we applied and she dutifully rehearsed at home the song and written piece they sent her to learn. She worked hard to learn it by heart, add emotion and action to it. She worked extra hard on her eye contact and on capturing the correct facial expressions.

On the day of auditions she was nervous, had a wobble, became dangerously close to a melt down. But we practiced breathing exercises, had lots and lots of goes up and down the climbing wall, and went over and over her practiced pieces. And despite there being a number of pushy parents at the audition, one of whom actually physically pushed her out of the way so his child could have the number he wanted! But despite this my girl, my ASD girl, held her ground and went for it!

We are SO proud of her. She has no training, doesn't attend dance, singing or acting classes. Was never even given a part in the school plays because they weren't sure how she would react....
Didn't know a single soul there. And yet stood up and gave it her all.

And last week she started weekly rehearsals for the next 4 1/2 months for a variety show she will be performing in over 3 dates over the summer.

It's true what they say - Face your fears, Live your dreams.  And although there are sure to be turbulent times ahead that will need managing, I am so, so very proud of her. Always xx