This is Me

Deviating slightly today from the Not Back to School theme, for a more personal post. Although it is, in part, brought about by the start of a new term and fielding 48,000 "Yours not back to school yet" comments - everywhere we go!

No, we aren't back to school because we don't go to school.  Yes it's legal, no we don't have a curriculum, no it's not because of their autism, yes I do manage, no it's not any harder than anything else, no I don't need to justify it to you.

And breathe. 

And meanwhile, I hit a bit of  low personally speaking. 

A friend indeed reminded me that in the past I have given my light and my power and my strength to all the wrong people. I am open, and loving, and kind and because of this I have attracted narcissists and users and a plethora of needy, negative people.

And I won't lie, this week has kicked me unceremoniously in the teeth. A lot.  I have cried, more times than I would care to admit or remember, and with more ferocity. And always over people who don't deserve my thoughts, let alone my tears.

But the universe, as always, has grounded me - once I stop and listen. It has provided love and support from new places, new friends, as well as old. And my kids, my wonderful kids, are happy and thriving.  And I own that.  I am a kick-ass good Mum! And I am tired of apologizing for that.  Hell the judgement for being a good Mum is worse than the judgement for being a poor one!  Well judge on, I rock at this!  Even when I am tired & broken and I feel that I don't, I look at these kids and our lives and I know I have done good.

So this morning, I woke up and realized that the power is still mine.  It is my power, my light and my strength.  No one gave it to me, it is self made.  And as such, by choice, I have an inexhaustible supply 😊  So I don't need to fear or lament these mistakes I make, because I can repair my own cracks and build myself back up again, as I have always done.

This is my life.  Our Alternative Life.   Granted, it's not the life I imagined or envisaged, but it's the life MY choices have brought me to.  And they were my choices and I will own them and defend them, and my right to make them.  And I will live this life I chose, to the best of my ability, with all my power and all my light and all my strength. And I know a lot of you out there are hurting, fighting battles, carrying loads, healing wounds - and your strength is yours also.  Know this, whatever battle you are fighting, You Will Rise.

So this is why I posted my 'This Is Me' post on Twitter this morning - because I know I am judged for the life that we live and the choices I've made but I am strong enough to take that judgement and continue anyway.  Because this is my life and this is me.  I believe in myself and I believe in my choices.  So ride with me, or ride away.  I'll carry on anyway. 

(Oh & did I mention I lost over 7 stone?? 😃😍 )