Now, in case I haven't mentioned in the last 32 seconds, I flipping LOVE my kids! They AMAZE, delight & exhaust me every day. I wouldn't change anything, I really wouldn't. Everything is worth it (despite the fact my Mother constantly tells me it isn't!) It is. The beauty in their souls, their wisdom, the way they see things and watching them unfold and grow before me is worth everything. Every gauge out of the wall, every challenging meltdown or accommodation we have to make. I take it all, gladly & freely.
And I am blessed. Because I have moments like this.
This morning could have brought us an entirely different day to the one we are having.
The kids had a bad night - again. My daughter is working herself into a pre-Birthday frenzy. Every night is nosebleeds and no sleep, and every day she is increasingly emotional and on edge. All we can do is ride the storm. I have asked her does she want her birthday presents today? I am quite happy to do whatever it is she needs, but she wants to wait. So we wait, hug it out when she is able, and just keep her safe when she's not. It will pass.
My son is struggling with the change in routine. This has been his first summer without his Dad living with us. Although it's not a new thing, it is the first huge expanse of time when we are not in our regular term-time routine of classes and where there would previously have been trips and family holidays etc. The fact that, as a now 'Single Mum', we have been unceremoniously dropped from a lot of the Mum meet-ups this summer has smarted a bit I have to say, but we have soldiered on with the true friends who remained & rallied. But he is struggling and this morning the sensory overload was just too much.
So even before 7.30am - the children who can, on 'Good Days' boil a kettle and make a cup of tea, couldn't walk straight down the hall way, crashed into the wall, the stairs, the banister, stubbed toes, banged elbows, heads, gashed a shoulder, more nosebleeds. A few minor house casualties too.
But we take these days in our stride. They are not something to be 'fixed'. You cannot harness a wave. You just have to learn to ride it, and how to swim back up to the surface again.
So we rolled on the sensory ball, covered ourselves with beans bags, played with lots of sensory toys, cuddled, built a cardboard box fort, rolled on the wet grass. And gradually the waves have calmed a little. Enough for them to come & sit and colour and talk. To tell me how they feel and what they want. And I find that magical and amazing, every time.
And they were talking about someone, and my daughter was saying she could not think of a single thing that particular person liked or enjoyed. I thought this was a really interesting observation. So I thought I would chance my arm. Can you think of anything Mummy likes? I asked, half ducking and running for cover.
She smiled from ear to ear and animatedly declared - I can think of LOADS of things!!
And this is the list her and her brother came up with -
Writing
Blogging
Them!
Hugging
Kissing
Films
Shopping (I really don't lol but I guess we go shopping a lot!)
Gardening
Holidays
Knitting
Sewing
Flowers
Pancakes
My friends
Colouring
Christmas
Collecting Portmeirion
Family photos
Butterflies
Shells
Paddling at the beach
Giving presents
Liking things
Wine
Stroking animals
Taking pictures
Playing games
Songs & music
Patterns & colour
I will take that All Day! What an amazing list. I am delighted this is how they see me, that there is so much in our lives that they notice and enjoy. That drudgery is nowhere on the list lol x
And I will keep it forever, because it has educated me. It has shown me that, not only can I absolutely do this, but that I am not only one thing to them. I am not a Mum-servant, there is no 'taking for granted' in our house (any more lol x). We are a happy unit, and they see that their Mum loves them with all that she has and that she is a person too. I am a single Mum to two Awesome Autistic children & I Am Blessed ❤❤❤
awwww x x x
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