Let's Talk Inclusivity

Deviating again this morning, somewhat, from my usual subjects - but I have seen two things on Twitter in the last 24 hours which I felt the need to address.

Firstly, someone I follow yesterday happened to Tweet that there was an open Baptism at the church he attends, and some of the attendees were sniggering and making fun of members of the congregation who were enjoying the hymns and worship.

Secondly, a lovely couple that I follow and admire SO much were mocked this morning for being openly affectionate with each other because they are a same sex couple.

Both of these things are not ok.

I am not a religious person, that's a whole other post for another time, so why do I feel outraged at the first incident?  Because it is disrespectful and there is no need for it.  There is no value to it.  It is not a case of a contrary opinion or belief voicing opinion, it is just nasty and unnecessary.

Secondly, I am not a lesbian.  Does that mean I should care or consider LGBT rights any differently or less than my own?  A world of no.  Again, there is no need for this incident to have taken place.  It is the same - nasty, disrespectful and unnecessary.

So this draws me back to my wonderful kids and another of the plethora of reasons why I Home Educate them.  I am often asked if I am shielding them from the world, being over-protective.  Far from it.  My kids see the world in all it's glory and all it's horror.  We talk about terrorism, racism, the atomic bomb.  We talk about the clouds, rainbows, birds, beauty and what we like about other people.

And two incidents stick out in my mind this morning.  

Firstly, with regards to religion.  We do not attend church.  The children go to a fortnightly social club at a church local to us, where they do learn Bible stories and so forth, and they go voluntarily because they enjoy it.  My son has a steadfast, unshakeable, absolute faith in God.  My daughter is more questioning and wants to know the answers to the universe - to learn about all different religions and cultures and science.  We do both, because both approaches are fine by me.  Because what I want is to raise respectful, inquisitive, inclusive, accepting children who will become the same as adults.  

There is often a lady that preaches alone in our town.  She stands and sings and talks about God and forgiveness and love.  She stands alone.  And we are frequently shocked at how openly people mock and abuse her for doing so.  But week after week she returns.  And my children always say hello to her.  My daughter tells her she is brave and lovely for singing.  And they respect the fact that she is sharing her views.  My son is upset when he sees people abusing her.  And I am thankful for that. That he has a fire in his soul and a passion against injustice. 

Secondly, with regards to diversity.  When my daughter was in school, she came home one afternoon, aged 6 and pointed her second finger at me.  "Is this swearing Mum?" she asked.   I presumed what had happened was that someone had flipped her the bird, and she was trying to communicate this to me.  So we sat and had a chat about what had happened.

Apparently, a girl in her class (who I knew all-too-well by then!) had been copying her spellings.  This time my daughter refused to let her.  Her response, at SIX YEARS OLD, was to flip my daughter the bird and call her "gay".

For a moment I had no words - the anger just surged inside me.

I was angry about the swearing, but so much more I was angry about the use of the word "Gay" as an insult.  So firstly, I rang the school - and went bat sh*t crazy!  A six year old child, using the word gay as an insult??  This needed to be recorded, and dealt with asap I said.  There will be children in that class who are gay, who already know they are gay, and will have heard that prejudice from a child so young.  The teacher defended the child, surely she didn't know or understand what she was saying.  That's as may be, but she understood that from somewhere she has learnt that it is an insult, a slur, to call someone gay.  And that's not ok.  And she needs to be told that's not ok.

Then I sat and talked with my daughter.  She did not understand what the word gay meant - because I had never felt the need to address it.  So I explained that it meant you love people of the same sex as you, boys and boys, girls and girls. 

"Oh" she shrugged. "Like Uncle H and Uncle A and Auntie E and Auntie J and......." and proceeded to reel of a list of gay and lesbian friends of mine, of ours. 

Yes hun.  Exactly that.

"I don't get it Mum" she said "why's that an insult?"

That's the point baby, it's not. But from ignorance some people think it is.  Simply because there are less gay people than straight people, therefore some people think because it is different to them it is in some way less.

"That's stupid" she said.

Yes baby, it is.  And you are six.  And you already knew this.  And you already accepted all people in love, as they have been presented to you.

And had I taught her this?

Not specifically.  We had never sat down with "I have two Daddys" books or "Mum & Mummy & Me"  but just because our lives reflect inclusivity.  And naively I was shocked that some other people's don't - still. 

So how exactly, I wonder, am I shielding her from the world?   From bigotry, racism, bullying, hate - yes I am happy to shield her from those things, for as long as I am able to do so.  And to teach her to be steadfast in her beliefs, in her acceptance and in her love.  So that she is ready to stand against them as she encounters them. And she is, and she does, frequently!

So we continue to go in to the world, open hearted and accepting.  Do people hurt us?  Yes.  The world can be a sh*tty place, there's no denying that.  There's plenty of wolves at the door who are waiting to take advantage of kindness.  But should we let it change us?  Stop being kind?  Withold our acceptance? 

No. Because Mummy teaches them also to be strong.  That we will walk the same streets regardless of whether we are looking at the gutter or up at the sun.  So best to hold our heads high, keep our gaze straight and smile.  And be kind.  I really don't get what's so difficult about that? 

xxx

This is Me

Deviating slightly today from the Not Back to School theme, for a more personal post. Although it is, in part, brought about by the start of a new term and fielding 48,000 "Yours not back to school yet" comments - everywhere we go!

No, we aren't back to school because we don't go to school.  Yes it's legal, no we don't have a curriculum, no it's not because of their autism, yes I do manage, no it's not any harder than anything else, no I don't need to justify it to you.

And breathe. 

And meanwhile, I hit a bit of  low personally speaking. 

A friend indeed reminded me that in the past I have given my light and my power and my strength to all the wrong people. I am open, and loving, and kind and because of this I have attracted narcissists and users and a plethora of needy, negative people.

And I won't lie, this week has kicked me unceremoniously in the teeth. A lot.  I have cried, more times than I would care to admit or remember, and with more ferocity. And always over people who don't deserve my thoughts, let alone my tears.

But the universe, as always, has grounded me - once I stop and listen. It has provided love and support from new places, new friends, as well as old. And my kids, my wonderful kids, are happy and thriving.  And I own that.  I am a kick-ass good Mum! And I am tired of apologizing for that.  Hell the judgement for being a good Mum is worse than the judgement for being a poor one!  Well judge on, I rock at this!  Even when I am tired & broken and I feel that I don't, I look at these kids and our lives and I know I have done good.

So this morning, I woke up and realized that the power is still mine.  It is my power, my light and my strength.  No one gave it to me, it is self made.  And as such, by choice, I have an inexhaustible supply 😊  So I don't need to fear or lament these mistakes I make, because I can repair my own cracks and build myself back up again, as I have always done.

This is my life.  Our Alternative Life.   Granted, it's not the life I imagined or envisaged, but it's the life MY choices have brought me to.  And they were my choices and I will own them and defend them, and my right to make them.  And I will live this life I chose, to the best of my ability, with all my power and all my light and all my strength. And I know a lot of you out there are hurting, fighting battles, carrying loads, healing wounds - and your strength is yours also.  Know this, whatever battle you are fighting, You Will Rise.

So this is why I posted my 'This Is Me' post on Twitter this morning - because I know I am judged for the life that we live and the choices I've made but I am strong enough to take that judgement and continue anyway.  Because this is my life and this is me.  I believe in myself and I believe in my choices.  So ride with me, or ride away.  I'll carry on anyway. 

(Oh & did I mention I lost over 7 stone?? 😃😍 )

Not Back to School

So tomorrow is the first day of term for many people - the first day of school ever for some.  And I will look forward to seeing the flood of smart & happy pictures of many of my friend's children.

For us, it is our Not Back to School day.

Yay!

In our opinion an equally important day - where we come together with friends, other Home Educating families, and celebrate our freedom, our choice, our chosen path, our ability to be and learn as we wish.

As part of this celebration, I will be posting a Not Back to School series this week, introducing you to a number of Home Educating families who have all agreed to share their stories with me and showcase the diversity of Home Education.

So before I start, I felt perhaps I should re-introduce us!

There is me, Mama B, my daughter who'll be turning 10 later this month, and my son who is 8.  Both my children are autistic and utterly fabulous.  This is by far not the only reason we are not in school - which anyone who has read any of my previous posts will know 😊

My children came out of main stream school at the end of Year 2 & Year 1 respectively.  We started with a long, free summer 2 years ago and then hit our first September in a fairly structured way - mimicking the familiarity of school, particularly for my daughter, to aid the transition. 

By Christmas the first year we were fairly well de-schooled, and settling into a pattern of learning at home & regular Home Ed activities such as gymnastics, horse riding and a monthly day at an adventure park.  In the new year my daughter began a creative writing course and both kids started working independently on their Arts Award.  Our schedule varies greatly - we have 'At Home' days, mostly the kids self learn - although I will lead at times, make suggestions or select topics, but it is pretty fluid both ways - we all have a say in what we do and what we learn.

We also go on lots and lots and lots of trips.  We go to museums, art galleries, educational exhibitions, theatre, animal handling, historical palaces & education sessions. We've participated in workshops on pottery making & painting, Robot Wars, Archaeology, Egyptology, chocolate making, sugar craft cake decorating, recorder lessons, book groups, languages, a PGL holiday & so much more.

We read, a lot, all the time.  We frequently visit many different libraries and the kids read independently every day, as well as me reading aloud to them every day.  We read for pleasure but we also have Listening Time where I will read aloud, fiction or non, while they do quite play and then we discuss and/ or write up what we've learned. 

We also run two groups.  A small Learning Group at our home, with three other Home Educating families where the parents take it in turns to lead the group and we agree subjects between us.  The kids work together and record their work in Scrap Books.   We also run a monthly Geography Club with a country of the month, show & tell table, food tasting & activities.

And of course there are the countless picnics, parks meets and play dates we go on.  All in addition to living, learning, loving, listening & life skills. 

This is our Home Ed  💙💚💛

My True Blessings

I was intending to Blog about something else this morning, Home Education related.  I will get on to that a bit later, but as I sat down with my laptop, with the kids colouring around me & chatting about life, they kind of usurped me.

Now, in case I haven't mentioned in the last 32 seconds, I flipping LOVE my kids!  They AMAZE, delight & exhaust me every day.  I wouldn't change anything, I really wouldn't.  Everything is worth it (despite the fact my Mother constantly tells me it isn't!)   It is.  The beauty in their souls, their wisdom, the way they see things and watching them unfold and grow before me is worth everything.  Every gauge out of the wall, every challenging meltdown or accommodation we have to make.  I take it all, gladly & freely.  

And I am blessed.  Because I have moments like this.

This morning could have brought us an entirely different day to the one we are having.

The kids had a bad night - again.  My daughter is working herself into a pre-Birthday frenzy.  Every night is nosebleeds and no sleep, and every day she is increasingly emotional and on edge.  All we can do is ride the storm.   I have asked her does she want her birthday presents today?  I am quite happy to do whatever it is she needs, but she wants to wait.  So we wait, hug it out when she is able, and just keep her safe when she's not.  It will pass.

My son is struggling with the change in routine.  This has been his first summer without his Dad living with us.  Although it's not a new thing, it is the first huge expanse of time when we are not in our regular term-time routine of classes and where there would previously have been trips and family holidays etc.  The fact that, as a now 'Single Mum', we have been unceremoniously dropped from a lot of the Mum meet-ups this summer has smarted a bit I have to say, but we have soldiered on with the true friends who remained & rallied.   But he is struggling and this morning the sensory overload was just too much. 

So even before 7.30am - the children who can, on 'Good Days' boil a kettle and make a cup of tea, couldn't walk straight down the hall way, crashed into the wall, the stairs, the banister, stubbed toes, banged elbows, heads, gashed a shoulder, more nosebleeds.  A few minor house casualties too.

But we take these days in our stride.  They are not something to be 'fixed'.  You cannot harness a wave. You just have to learn to ride it, and how to swim back up to the surface again.

So we rolled on the sensory ball, covered ourselves with beans bags, played with lots of sensory toys, cuddled, built a cardboard box fort, rolled on the wet grass.  And gradually the waves have calmed a little.  Enough for them to come & sit and colour and talk.  To tell me how they feel and what they want.  And I find that magical and amazing, every time.

And they were talking about someone, and my daughter was saying she could not think of a single thing that particular person liked or enjoyed.  I thought this was a really interesting observation.  So I thought I would chance my arm.  Can you think of anything Mummy likes?  I asked, half ducking and running for cover.

She smiled from ear to ear and animatedly declared - I can think of LOADS of things!! 

And this is the list her and her brother came up with -

Writing
Blogging
Them!
Hugging
Kissing
Films
Shopping (I really don't lol but I guess we go shopping a lot!)
Gardening
Holidays
Knitting
Sewing
Flowers
Pancakes
My friends
Colouring
Christmas
Collecting Portmeirion
Family photos
Butterflies
Shells
Paddling at the beach
Giving presents
Liking things
Wine
Stroking animals
Taking pictures
Playing games
Songs & music
Patterns & colour

I will take that All Day!  What an amazing list.  I am delighted this is how they see me, that there is so much in our lives that they notice and enjoy.  That drudgery is nowhere on the list lol x

And I will keep it forever, because it has educated me. It has shown me that, not only can I absolutely do this, but that I am not only one thing to them.  I am not a Mum-servant, there is no 'taking for granted' in our house (any more lol x).  We are a happy unit, and they see that their Mum loves them with all that she has and that she is a person too. I am a single Mum to two Awesome Autistic children & I Am Blessed ❤❤❤